I reread the very first post I wrote on this website, not quite some ten years later. But it’s been ten years since I made the decision to start. To publish. Whatever that meant. It’s a good heartfelt and authentic post.
I love that woman so much because she had no idea how much this journey would hurt her and now I’m trying to find the conviction to say it was worth it. I want to scream no, but under the ego, the fear of others success and what mine was in comparison the answer was simple.
It wasn’t worth it fiscally. Or sometimes even emotionally. It wasn’t worth the time I spent or in fact that I am still struggling.
But none of that matters because a part of me never thought I’d see my book on the spine of a book someone else decided to print. I have now have three books like that, as well as many stories of my own.
When we create we can become consumed with what happens to that piece after to the point we don’t enjoy the process. Or we forget it, become so self critical that only with the acceptance of a final piece does it have meaning and if you don’t get the lofty goals everyone else tells you that you should aspire to then you’ve failed.
When I think about the opposite of what other peoples of success is, it implies I failed and I haven’t.
My writing journey has been a valid experience and as I run away to spend the day cavorting in the waves and with family, I’ve never been so proud of the person who didn’t quit. Who thought her best writing was in learning something new. How she was so sure every piece she ever wrote would become better.
I didn’t believe that every day, but today its true.
In a special twist of fate my latest book has its 50th review on Amazon and it’s a five star. A little validation doesn’t define my journey anymore, but it doesn’t hurt it either.
In celebration all ecopies of my book will be 99c over the course of the next few days, not for me, but so readers can find my work, and maybe I can make their life a little easier for a few hours.
As an editor once said, my work is not for everyone, but for those who find it and love it, they won’t forget it. Here’s to writing more stories like that, and getting better with every one.
E. J. Dawson 